How to comfort a friend in English
Hey, you seem a little off today. What's going on?
“Hey, you seem a little different today. Is something wrong?”
When: Starting the conversation when a friend is quiet
The moment
Your friend barely touched his pizza at a slice shop in the East Village and seems really down. Get him to open up, listen to what happened, share a similar story of your own, and give him thoughtful advice.
B1 · Unit 2 · Stories & feelings · Checkpoint
This is the unit’s checkpoint: one roleplay that puts the unit’s scenes together.
The lines
Opening the door
Don't ask "What's wrong with you?" (it sounds rude). Say what you see, then ask softly: "Hey, you seem a little off today. What's going on?" "Off" means not like usual.
Hey, you seem a little off today. What's going on?
“Hey, you seem a little different today. Is something wrong?”
When to use it: Starting the conversation when a friend is quiet
What you’ll hear back: Ugh, it's been a rough week. (This week was very bad.)
Sharing your own story
To show you understand, connect with your own past: "Something similar happened to me once." Then tell it with "was/were + -ing" for the scene and the simple past for what happened.
Something similar happened to me once.
“Something like that happened to me one time.”
When to use it: After you listen to your friend's story
What you’ll hear back: Really? What did you do?
Words for this scene
| Word or phrase | Say it | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| That sounds rough. | THAT sownz RUFF | That seems very difficult and unpleasant. |
You got laid off the same week you moved? That sounds rough. You lost your job in the same week you changed homes? That seems very difficult. Tip: Casual empathy; pair it with a pause so they keep talking. | ||
| Have you thought about...? | hav-yuh THAWT uh-BOWT | Did you consider the idea of...? |
Have you thought about talking to a career coach? Did you consider the idea of speaking with a job expert? Tip: Softer than "You should"; the friend keeps control of the decision. | ||
| I'm here if you need to talk. | aim HEER if-yuh NEED-tuh TAWK | You can come to me any time you want to share your problems. |
No pressure, but I'm here if you need to talk. You don't have to, but you can tell me your problems any time. Tip: A warm way to end; Americans say it and mean it. | ||
Your objective
Get them to tell you what happened, share a time something similar happened to you, and give one piece of advice they can act on.
- a question to draw them out
- your own similar story
- a piece of advice
Lines that get it done
- Something similar happened to me once.
- Hey, you seem a little off today. What's going on?
In the live scene the objective stays on screen, and the Replay afterwards says whether you got it done.
Check yourself
1. Your friend is very quiet today. What is the kindest way to start?
- Hey, you seem a little off today. What's going on?
- What's wrong with you today?
- Hey, you look a little off. What is going to happen?
- Why you are so quiet today?
Show the answer
Hey, you seem a little off today. What's going on?
Saying what you notice and asking "What's going on?" sounds caring, while "What's wrong with you?" sounds rude.
2. Your friend tells you his story. You want to connect with a story of your own. What do you say?
- Something similar happened to me once.
- Something similar was happening to me one time ago.
- Something same has happened to me once.
- The similar thing happens to me once.
Show the answer
Something similar happened to me once.
Use the simple past "happened" and "once" to mean one time in the past.
3. You want to suggest an idea softly, without telling your friend what to do. Which is best?
- Have you thought about taking a short break?
- You must take a short break right now.
- Did you think taking a short break?
- Have you thought to taking a short break?
Show the answer
Have you thought about taking a short break?
"Have you thought about" + verb-ing is a gentle, natural way to suggest something.