How to say how you really feel in English
How are you really doing?
“How do you really feel?”
When: When a friend or coworker seems tired or quiet
The moment
You're getting coffee with a coworker in a quiet café near Union Square after a long week. Ask how she's really doing, share how you feel, and respond with care.
B1 · Unit 2 · Stories & feelings
The lines
Asking the real question
"How are you?" is just hello, and the answer is always "Good!" To ask for real, add "really" and use "doing": "How are you really doing?" Now the person knows you want the true answer.
How are you really doing?
“How do you really feel?”
When to use it: When a friend or coworker seems tired or quiet
What you’ll hear back: Honestly? Not great. (To tell the truth, I feel bad.)
Softening a feeling
Americans often soften bad feelings with "kind of" or "a little", and use "lately" for the recent past: "I've been kind of stressed out lately." It sounds honest but not too dramatic.
I've been kind of stressed out lately.
“I have felt a little stressed recently.”
When to use it: Explaining your mood without making it a big deal
What you’ll hear back: Aw, I'm sorry. Is it work? (Oh, I feel bad for you. Is your job the problem?)
Words for this scene
| Word or phrase | Say it | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| I'm a little bummed. | aim uh LID-ul BUMD | I feel a bit sad and disappointed. |
I'm a little bummed I didn't get the apartment. I feel a bit sad that I didn't get the apartment. Tip: Casual and common; use it with friends, not in formal emails. | ||
| That must be really hard. | THAT MUST bee REE-lee HARD | I understand this is a difficult time for you. |
You're working two jobs? That must be really hard. You have two jobs? I understand that is difficult for you. Tip: Americans value listening; show you understand before giving advice. | ||
| I'm so relieved. | aim SO ruh-LEEVD | I feel much better now that the worry is gone. |
The test results came back fine. I'm so relieved. The test results were good. The worry is gone and I feel much better. Tip: Often followed by "honestly" or a big exhale for emphasis. | ||
Your objective
Say honestly how you’ve been feeling and why, then ask how they’re really doing and respond with care.
- how you’ve been feeling
- why
- a caring response
Lines that get it done
- That must be really hard. · I understand this is a difficult time for you.
- How are you really doing?
In the live scene the objective stays on screen, and the Replay afterwards says whether you got it done.
Check yourself
1. A cashier says, "Hi, how are you?" What is the most natural answer?
- Good, thanks! How are you?
- Honestly, I've been kind of stressed out lately.
- I am not well, because my week was very bad.
- Why do you ask me this?
Show the answer
Good, thanks! How are you?
With strangers, "How are you?" is a greeting, so you give a short, positive reply and ask back.
2. Your friend looks tired and sad. How do you ask how she truly feels?
- How are you really doing?
- How do you really do?
- What are you really feeling like doing?
- How really are you going?
Show the answer
How are you really doing?
Adding "really" tells her you want an honest answer, not just "good".
3. Your friend says his dad is in the hospital. What is a kind, natural response?
- Oh no, that must be really hard.
- Oh no, that must be really hardly.
- Oh, that's a little bummed.
- Oh no, I'm so relieved.
Show the answer
Oh no, that must be really hard.
"That must be really hard" shows empathy; "relieved" means a worry went away, which is wrong here.